Beginning in Wonder

It's a new day, a new door, and a strange one, I don't know what all to expect. I'm hoping, I've been hoping that this day will come for a long time. School starts in an hour. Yes, yes, it does! Soon, I'll be on campus, a real college campus, as a real college student. I am so happy I'm lost in wonder.

I wonder at both the little things and the big and the paradoxes in between: how the sky opened up to receive the sun, how I can walk without any trace of a limp, how small my Bible feels in my hand, the fact that I'm even holding the very Word of God, how far some dear friends are yet how close their prayers and love have made them to me, and the wind blows through my window, how it makes me feel alive.

So, I start my college adventure now. I thank God for His faithfulness and mercy and love. And I wonder like a child at how great God is. Whatever happens next, He promises it will be glorious.

Read more...

Shadow and Light

Life is complicated. Today affirmed that fact with a sfz(orzando). All things bright and beautiful, that was today: Shakespeare read-aloud on the cool grass in a deserted park with two younger brothers and handful of chocolates. Obviously, today was not the complicated part of life. But yesterday was, and Wednesday, and it's hard to believe Tuesday even existed in the same world of this Friday. Tuesday, the day that was tears, doctor visits, and the return of the oh-so-notorious antibiotics. This whole week has been a curious mixture of shadow and light. The shadows came from every bend and struck my body, heart and mind. They hurt. But the light was just as powerful as the dark.

Thursday, I met with friends, and we read together, talked, and prayed. We came out of that house with new and old truths that felt so real, so very close to us. It was beautiful.

A dear friend reminded me that "life is as fleeting as a breath." Oh yes, yes, and love is strong. These days of shadow and light make up the fabric of our very own narrative, the story that says: we are weak, and He is strong. He is also good, so very good.

It's easy to say that now, of course, now with healing wounds and fresh memories of gentle words and sunshine. I wish I could say I remembered His goodness during those times of shadow. I didn't. I cried, I whined and fell into a dreaful apathy where I almost didn't care if God was good or not. I wince, now with this solid truth of goodness in hand, I wince for my past sin and the future times when I know I'll forget this world-shattering truth. But for now. I'm grateful. And I can lay here on the grass with the dappled patterns of sunshine and shadow, and I can nothing. Just let the quiet wonder of His goodness flood my world.

Read more...

Day 1

"Hide behind big words, or listen to a child's first laugh and know that this world is here, that you are in it, and that its flavors are deep and layered and its lights are bright. Know that its real."

ND Wilson, Notes from a Tilt-A-Whirl

"This is, most of all, a book about reconciliation - the balancing and twining of the mundane and the miraculous. We need both, after all."

Neil Gaiman, Introduction to Lud-In-The-Mist


The mundane and the miraculous. It's easy to see the mundane, but why I do I miss the miraculous so, so often? So, I started a project. The M&M Project. Mundane and the miraculous. I want to fill my days with wonder. See, smell, touch, taste, hear the beauty that envelopes life. Remember that the Gospel fills every moment and ask God for the grace to see it.

Day 1

The Mundane: My youngest brother walked across the street with me, holding my hand while we met our neighbor's new dog. He smiled and laughed with me, then ran across the street and locked me out of the house. It took me fifteen minutes to get back inside. So very mundane.

The Miraculous: His very life is a miracle. When he was younger, he had lots of health complications. He wore a helmet as a baby, and then a halo brace - six screws into his skull, holding it all in place after the doctors grafted bone into his C1 vertebrae. Then he had and survived Kawasaki disease. He has high-functioning autism and an undiagnosed mood-disorder. That makes life, well, definitely adventurous on our end. When he's yelling up and down the house, the last thing on my mind is what a miracle he is. But it should be the first. God gave me this hilarious, wonderful, awfully exasperating at times, fun little brother. He's here and... he's alive. His very life is a miracle, and I thank God for him.

Read more...

Fourth and Fifth Day of Christmas: Color

Today was a lazy day. A day to curl up on the couch with my big lap dog, well she thinks she is a lap dog. Reading Charles Williams. Listening to Windham Hill and Frank Sinatra.

A day full of color. I know I am repeating what I said below in the "Richness" post, but it is one of those lessons we learn over and over again. Day by day.

Christianity gives us real color to life. It does not paint life with artificial, light pastels, nor does it cover the canvas with dark, foreboding blacks and grays. We see in true color. We can see darkness, for it is real, but then we see the reigning Light. Life becomes vibrant, never dull.

For "we see through a mirror dimly", He gives us snatches of Light in this, His world. But one day, we shall see in full color, without dark. And it will be brilliant. 'Till then, we can barely comprehend the glimpses we have of Light.

And we wonder.

Read more...

Third Day of Christmas: Wonder of the World

Thursday night, Dad's oldest brother, my uncle Tony, came with his wife and two sons. My uncle is a Lieutenant Colonel, and has just finished serving a whole year in Iraq. He worked side by side with General Petraeus and several other great leaders. I love and respect him so much, we sat down in our backroom and listened to him tell us stories - meeting the Deputy Prime Minister of Iraq, among many people. The Deputy Prime Minister gave my uncle a plaque with the historical winged Iraq, and my uncle gave the plaque to my sister (who is his god-daughter).

My uncle has traveled everywhere - India, Thailand, Germany, Italy, Spain... Japan... Iraq. He has a story for every place he has been, a wealth of wisdom from those years of experience.

Listening to him talk gives more perspective than any geography course can. It is so hard for us to believe that we are not the centre of the universe, other countries exist, other cultures. We are not the only ones. And sometimes we need an eye-opened for us to realize that.


This is another wonder - a wonder of the world. Something we will never comprehend. So large, so encompassing, filled with a variety of people. Think: the Spanish-speaking Mexican wakes up to make tortillas, while in another part of the world, a Spanish-speaking Spaniard is getting ready for sleep. In one part of the world, they could be speaking a language that has never been written down, never been named. It is amazing.

When we understand a little bit of this wonder, we can see past our small lives and see them in the scope of not just the world, but the universe.


As Charles Williams wonderfully put it.

"Damn and blast! Why was this bloody world created?"

"As a sewer for the stars. Alternatively, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

- War In Heaven

Read more...

Second Day of Christmas: Wonder of Workmanship

I spent practically all day tied to the living room table, surrounded by scraps of material. Hoping that it would come together to make a dress. Sewing is one of my favorite past-times, along with a hybrid of others. And as I pinned two pieces of the rough purple material together. Pin. By. Pin. Suddenly I realized how commonplace, and yet not so, the act of creation - workmanship - is.

God has given us this precious gift, this ability to create. To take a slab of wood, length of satin, piece of paper, and then form it into a thing of beauty.

We're physical beings, and we all experience a unique pleasure when we make something - anything! - with our hands. It could be the small origami box, the wedding dress, or the hand-written note. Such a small gift, it seems at first, but it broadens out into a mind-boggling gem from Him. Imagine life without creating anything... without the smile of your little brother or sister as you make them a paper airplane... without the awe of looking at the pyramids or the Parthenon. Humans were created to create. As obvious as it sounds, it just another one of those daily postulates of life that we take for granted so often.

Take a moment, the next time you write a story or take a picture, take a moment to remember that it is a gift, a wonder. The wonder of workmanship.

Read more...