Day by Day

I took this picture the day before all this crazyness happened. It's at my favorite beach, where I snap pictures while my siblings jump into the waves with glee, joy and water splashing everywhere.

This weekend, I felt so perfectly normal, it was wonderful. Of course, the inevitable relapse came on Monday, worse than ever, but I had so much fun it was almost worth it. Thursday is another doctor's appointment, hopefully I'll have a diagnosis then. We'll see. Right now, it's a struggle to balance time and pain, to stay awake with pain or sleep for days without it. But God is faithful, my ever-present strength and comfort in times of weariness. I love that verse in the picture above, John 14:1.

"Trust in God. Trust in me."

Christ, our Savior, is not an impersonal God - far from it! - He knows all our trials and offers us help to get through them. Isn't amazing?

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your comments :) I wish I had time and energy to respond to each of you individually, but please know that I am grateful beyond *words*. I love you all so much!



I don't know how many times I've done this. I don't want to know. My knees lose their strength, and I'm kneeling on the floor.

My forehead touches the floor, the cool wood soothes my burning skin. I'm crying.

My lips move to pray, "Your Will be done.
" But all that comes out is the muted cry, Why?

And the tears keep falling.

It has been two 1/2 months now. I think I have finally realized that this might just stay with me for awhile. The doctors don't have a diagnosis, and even though I wish fervently they could wave a magic wand and make all the pain go away, that's just not the way it is.

But I am home :) With parents who would drive for an hour and a half to take me to ER, brothers who make me laugh, sisters who do my chores, and friends who pray for me and brighten my days with their sweet and dear friendship. There's no legitimate reason for me to be sad or discontent with my lot. I am so blessed, so happy, and so grateful to God.

I have learned so much and am still learning from this whole experience, and despite all the pain, I thank God for putting me through all of this. He is showing me what beautiful joy there is, how blessed I am, how *healthy* I am in comparison to others. Divine truth pierces my doubts, my fears. Divine sovreignty pierces through my plans, leaves me helpless. And my heavenly Father patiently teaches me that the night may come, but Joy will come in the morning.


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