Storms

"Time is a storm... but beyond time's storm, there's timelessness. The Lord of Heaven changes not, even when our view's most dark. God's never gone. It's only men go blind."

Godric, Frederick Buechner

The view seems dark now. In this past month, time's storm hit hard. Heartache for friends in pain, grief for the deaths that have touched my family, my friends. My uncle Kenny died suddenly last week. He was only 29. Dad loved him so, so much; I grieve to see Daddy hurt like this. And then again, a friend from church, Hermano Tony, died yesterday. And even though I didn't know him that well, I know the grief my family is going through now, I know his family and friends must be going through the same pain.

I feel helpless in this storm. With Dad, I can hug him, talk with him, and just be with him. But the grief remains, as it will for awhile. All I can really do is pray for Daddy, for Hermano's family, and for my friends. I really, really wish I could do more, wave some type of magic wand and make all the pain go away. But that's me wanting to do God's job. It is in His hands. I cannot ask for more.

And even though the view is dark now, I know it is not a pure darkness. My Uncle Kenny and Hermano Tony were both saved. And they now stand in the glorious presence of the Lord. What a thought!

I'm learning to trust in the promises of God, and in this process, I can find joy. I have found joy. A joy that is not circumstantial: the joy of the Lord, who is always, always there. Not a happy-go-lucky attitude, but a foundation, a comfort that the storms of time cannot shake. Please Lord, let me rest in that.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Read more...

Meandering with Words

Hesitant as I am to post any poem of mine, I've decided posting it and (hopefully) receiving some feedback is better than having it sit drearily in my journal. I have a few more that I might post, we'll see. :)

For a Friend

Shall we gaze upon the shores of time?
Our hearts and mind aglow.
With memories of time gone by,
The waves come, passing slow.

But thoughts of future time dispel
Our happy wandering thoughts
Where shall we be? Years from now
What gifts, sorrows in Fortune's lot?

Hold my hand then, hold me close
Remind me of our hope so sure
That despite our fickle joys and woes
Our Father holds our full future.

Read more...

Time Stands Still

“The fireworks will start in five minutes, Juliet!”

His infectious smile beams up at me, and my little brother dashes back to his seat. From my lap, my youngest brother opens his eyes, heavy with sleep.

“Will they be loud?”

“Probably, but don’t worry, I’m here.”

He curls up firmly in a ball under my aunt’s jacket. The waves below crash and break, I look up at the stars. Nautical twilight. Brilliant and beautiful, marred only by the passing clouds.

I tell my little one the story of Gogmagog the giant, Geoffrey of Monmouth was my constant companion that whole day.

“And then! He challenged Gogmagog to a wrestling match!”

My voice leaps with excitement, he raises an eyebrow.

“You like this story, don’t you?”

I laugh and continue with the story. He tucks his head on my shoulder. Two seconds later, he moves his head to my other shoulder. Then back again. He sighs with exhaustion and content.
A resounding BOOM, and the fireworks begin. The huge expanse of the clear sky fills with dancing lights. My little one holds his hands to his ears and complains that it’s too loud. His sleepy mouth slurs the words together.

“Tooloud. Tooloud!”

I press my hands to his ears, and he rests again. A few seconds later.

“It’s like,” he pauses for a huge yawn, “popcorn. Too loud.”

I try hard not to laugh. “Popcorn?”

“Yeah, you know, pop! Pop! POP! But popcorn shouldn’t,” yawn, “it shouldn’t be wif the stars in the sky. It stays in the microwave.”

I assure him, the fireworks continue o’erhead.

“Just like popcorn, MA, yep.”

He raises his head again, “That’s a lot of popcorn, Juliet. A *lot* of popcorn.”

Laughing now, I just smile at him. A few minutes later, his heavy head drops onto my shoulder. Fast asleep. And the popcorn-sounding fireworks continue, brilliant displays of mischievous lights. It’s Gandalf... The glittering gold fairies gently descend the summer sky. All child play, and I love it. In perfect time, the grand finale bursts through the smoke screen now hovering above the ocean. We all cheer and clap, my sisters and I scream as loud as possible. So much fun. Then, everyone starts moving. Packing up after a long holiday at the beach, the people fill the sidewalks.

I’m sitting in the middle of it all, with a sleeping child on my lap, his head nestled on my shoulder. I lean my head back. The ocean breeze chases the smoke of the fireworks away with excitement, unveiling the stately stars. Arc to Arcturus, speed on to Spica, and vector to Vega. I slowly begin to recognize the timeless patterns in the sky, completely lost in my concentration. It’s almost like Life in Slow Motion. My mind slowly recognizes the Summer Triangle, people rush by, all around me. Movement, talk, pressing on. And I stay still. Time stands still, and the stars proclaim heavenly beauty and love.

Read more...