Variations on a Theme

I love listening to variations. Watching the theme weave in and out of the melody, sometimes hidden, sometimes apparent. This year has been the hardest of my life. But it's all been variations on a theme...

My sister stayed in Iraq, protected only by tents while the enemy attacked overhead. My uncle had open-heart surgery (quadruple bypass). And my Dad had a heart-attack. Winter days filled with rain, hospital visits, and phone calls from across the world.

The Lord is Faithful.

The Lord took dear Mrs. Butler, our pastor's wife, home with him. The loss was as unexpected as it was heart-breaking. And my uncle died, the first of my Mom's siblings. Spring days filled with mourning, tears, and comfort.

The Lord is Faithful.

I had the best time of my life with the most wonderful people in the world - my Schola Great Books Class. Summer days filled with books, dance, laughter, and friendship.

The Lord is Faithful.

My illness began. We searched for answers but found none. We made the decision to put my youngest brother (who has high-spectrum autism) on medication. Autumn days filled with pain, sleep, medications, and doctor visits.

The Lord is Faithful.

My grandmother had a stroke. And my sister came home. I decided to go on with college applications - health or not. One of my best friends was in a car accident. Winter days filled with hospital visits, paperwork, prayers, and hope.

The Lord is Faithful.

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I can hope my strength and health will return in this new year... that my sister will stay safe in Iraq... that we will find that perfect dose for my baby brother... that family troubles will go away...

But my happiness cannot rely on those hopes.

I can know that the Lord will be faithful. And my happiness and joy will come from that amazing wonder. Praise be to our God!

May you see the faithfulness of the Lord in this new year. :)

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Shining Reminders

Dark nights and clouds and gloomy fear and dragons often roar
But when the Gospel trump we hear, we’ll press for Canaan’s shore.

Last night, for the first time in five weeks, I went to sleep without any medications, without any open wounds, without any pain. It's been a looong five weeks of eczema, various medicines, doctor/urgent care visits, and pain. But it's over. Thank *God*!

I can't even begin to say how much I've learned (and am learning!) from this experience. Sleepless nights provide plenty of opportunities for tears and prayers (and pain). But through it all, the Lord was always faithful.

There were times when I thought I had reached "the depths of despair", but the Lord reminded me of His goodness through two wonderful young ladies. During one week, each day seemed to bring discouragement after discouragement. I dreaded the mornings, when I had to wake up and face more medicines and eczema pain. To say the least, I was a mess. But one morning, after a hard (and sleepless) night, I talked to my friend Shannon, and she encouraged me *so* much. I was reminded yet again of God's sovereignty in *all* things. A few days later, I was back in a very miserable state, and I opened up my email. Waiting there was a beautiful email from my dear friend Faith, and it just made me cry out of thankfulness. Then I opened her blog, read her sweet post, and I could feel the strength and joy of Christ returning. I had tried to do it on my own, with (lots of!) sinful pride, but as soon as I talked to Shan and Faith, I realized how much I need His grace and help to go on.

Thank you so, so much, Shan and Faith; beyond words, thank you. =) I can't imagine going through these past few weeks without you girls, you helped me remember the joyous truth of life and reminded me of God's strength when I was trying to do it on my own. You girls are amazing. I love you two!

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