Variations on a Theme

I love listening to variations. Watching the theme weave in and out of the melody, sometimes hidden, sometimes apparent. This year has been the hardest of my life. But it's all been variations on a theme...

My sister stayed in Iraq, protected only by tents while the enemy attacked overhead. My uncle had open-heart surgery (quadruple bypass). And my Dad had a heart-attack. Winter days filled with rain, hospital visits, and phone calls from across the world.

The Lord is Faithful.

The Lord took dear Mrs. Butler, our pastor's wife, home with him. The loss was as unexpected as it was heart-breaking. And my uncle died, the first of my Mom's siblings. Spring days filled with mourning, tears, and comfort.

The Lord is Faithful.

I had the best time of my life with the most wonderful people in the world - my Schola Great Books Class. Summer days filled with books, dance, laughter, and friendship.

The Lord is Faithful.

My illness began. We searched for answers but found none. We made the decision to put my youngest brother (who has high-spectrum autism) on medication. Autumn days filled with pain, sleep, medications, and doctor visits.

The Lord is Faithful.

My grandmother had a stroke. And my sister came home. I decided to go on with college applications - health or not. One of my best friends was in a car accident. Winter days filled with hospital visits, paperwork, prayers, and hope.

The Lord is Faithful.

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I can hope my strength and health will return in this new year... that my sister will stay safe in Iraq... that we will find that perfect dose for my baby brother... that family troubles will go away...

But my happiness cannot rely on those hopes.

I can know that the Lord will be faithful. And my happiness and joy will come from that amazing wonder. Praise be to our God!

May you see the faithfulness of the Lord in this new year. :)

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The Silence

The Silence

Sing silence and listen.
They call out to me.
Sing silence and listen.
To the tale we sing.

Puzzled merriment abounds
With these faeries of rain,
They sing with no sound,
And cut with no pain.

They cut to the heart,
With shards of a joy,
That burns and departs,
But marks evermore .

I hear gentle breathing
With the pattering rain.
She sleeps with a peace
That I cannot obtain.

I sit here in silence
Just wondering aloud,
Words straighten and bend,
Then they fade into sound.

They fade from my thoughts,
Make my hopes come alive,
Then bury them deep
With no door within sight.

The faeries, they beckon,
To those fast asleep,
But daylight dispels,
All the raindrops so sweet.

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Advent Thoughts: Recalled to Life

And do you care to be recalled to life?

Charles Dickens asked this question in his book The Tale of Two Cities. Dr. Manette has been imprisoned in the Bastille, driven to madness. 18 years in pure darkness. But he is released, and a messenger speaks of it as him being "recalled to life". Manette's daughter, Lucie, brings him back to sanity through her love and care. The shadow of the Bastille stays with him to the end of his days, but Lucie always helps him to banish those memories, and eventually overcome them.

Reading that story, I saw a picture of my - our - own redemption. We have been recalled to life, out of the darkness of sin. Recalled to a life full of beauty, wonder, vibrancy, a life so vastly different from the life of darkness.

We do have those days, just like Dr. Manette, when the darkness just overshadows our days. And we feel weary, tired. But then we have our Lucie Manettes also :) Friday was one of those almost purely awful days - just lots of pain, and I felt like a totally incompetent failure. It was my Mom's birthday, and I had to sleep for most of it! I almost called one of my friends to cheer up, but I figured it wouldn't be that helpful to call anyone since I would probably just break down in tears. And besides, I couldn't walk to find the phone (the rest of the family was gone). So I just cried on my bed. For awhile.

But we had a candle in our room, and after the tears, the light just kept on flickering. I was reminded of the hope we have, reminded that the weariness does not last forever, reminded of the heavenly wonders around me. And I was recalled to life.

And this whole beautiful Advent season is a reminder of this amazing truth. That in the dark of the world, one night, Christ-God came down to earth as a child to bring His own children out of the night into everlasting glory. He came to recall us to life.

(of course, there's also the wonderful story of Sydney Carton...)

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Third Sunday of Advent: Gaudete!

Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine: Gaudete!
Tempus adest gratiae, Hoc quod optabamus;
Carmina laeticiae Devote redamus.
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine: Gaudete!
Deus homo facus est, Natura mirante;
Mundus renovatus est, A Christo regnante.
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine: Gaudete!
Ezechiellis porta Clausa pertransitur;
Unde lux est orta, Salus invenitur.
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine: Gaudete!
Ergo nostra concito Psallat iam in lustro;
Benedicat Domino: Salus Regi nostro.
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine: Gaudete!

Listen:

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Relapse

Seems like I'm back to the beginning, watching the same scene unfold: the pain, the tears, total loss of strength. It gets worse every time. I doubt I'll even be able to walk for a few days, my hands will probably lose strength soon also. 

Plans are snatched out of my hands. It's hard to study or do any type of college prep when the pain is this bad. Much needed Time slips by as I sleep through the day, the only escape from pain. I hate relapses, they come too suddenly, with too much force. Just two days ago I was strong enough to run! And now... this. I can barely move from my room.

And yet, while I was reading Luke today, with an almost hopeless knowledge that the next few days would only be worse than today, I found comfort. Hope.

Even if my plans are snatched out my hands, an infinitely better one is at work. Even if I lose all strength, I can rely on a strength that created the world. Even if I hate the pain, I can love, and know that I am loved, Him who gives it to me. 

And with His help, I can think of the upcoming days and say, as Mary did:

Be it unto me, according to Thy Word.

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20 Blessings

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Please pray!

Y'all! Please pray for Faith, she posted all about it on her blog, but she was in a car accident this morning and is hurt. Thankfully, she's home now, her post says it all.

I am SO thankful God protected you, dear Faith. And I really hope and pray you're not in too much pain.

I love you, Faith!

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